Art, animation, music, I'm like a modern day renaissance man!
Graphic Design Artis
Joined on 7/11/11
Posted by Cethic - December 15th, 2015
Again, bad internet, might cut out randomly sometimes.
There will be about a 12 second delay, so if you ask me questions they might come out delayed due to me working and due to the streams delay.
Just click yes on the button, there won't be any NSFW this stream.
Thanks to everyone who showed up! I streamed for 8 hours and 15 minutes, got tons of work done, your eyes are my inspiration!
There will be another one tomorrow, so keep your eyes peeled for that!
Posted by Cethic - November 20th, 2015
Below will be the same info as before, if you're interested.
Deadline for parts will be September 1st.
Each part should be at least 30 seconds long.
You should have at least 10 victims in your part.
Stage size must be 640 x 360.
You must include a fade in and fade out or some kind of transition to help with the flow of parts.
30 FPS minimum, 33FPS maximum.
Anything under CS5 I can open, so it's okay if you are not using CS5.
Finally, DO NOT MAKE IT BORING.
I want to see some good coreography, not just one guy walks in with a pistol and kills everyone without a struggle. I wanna see some fighting, cool moves, flips, rolls, having the character use the enviornment. Just make it interesting, don't make something we've all seen before.
Current members are
@P3M (0/1) parts
@Kenamii (1/2) parts
@Djjaner (0/?) parts
@Dudingdarn (0/?) parts
@Vassline (2/2) parts
@Ghost-Kewell (1/1) parts
@lemonpie ( Pending )
Secret Member ;) (2/2) parts
@Seindark (0/?) parts
@Gabrielbarsch (0/?) parts
@bigleostar (0/?) parts
If you have any questions post them below and I will do my best to answer them, I am still accepting members, and if you no longer have time to dedicate to the project or simply don't want to be in it anymore, feel free to abscond! No shame in leaving ^u^
You all probably want some kind of picture in this post so uh...here
Check out my super white skin, it glows outside in the sunlight lol.
Posted by Cethic - October 19th, 2015
I haven't posted a video since June, and it's weird because I've been having the most success of my life (with all these 500+ and growing fans) and the least motivation to do anything. I've been trying to think of a way to make this more shareable, or more relatable and useful, and I think it specifically shouldn't be. I want you to understand me a bit better and I feel like if I try to make this more shareable or relatable I might not get across accurately how I'm feeling. Another thing that's a first for me is I've never gotten so many messages from people being like "You inspire me so much!" "I love your character and your movies!" "I think you're really cool!" and stuff like that, pretty much all of them were "I hope you're okay, you make really cool stuff" as opposed to "Do this thing that I feel you owe me" which is a testimate to how considerate my fans tend to be. So I'm going to do my best to recount this as honestly and clearly as possible and even if that isn't shareable or relatable, at least It'll be accurate.
Right now, I hate myself.
Allow me to give some context, rewinding a bit. Near the end of the year I made a goal to release videos consistently every month in a Newgrounds post that I made, which summarizing it described how I was incredibly stressed. What I didn't realize when I posted this post was, that was a smaller symptom of a problem I have had for a long time. A lot of people say though "Oh well you seem so confident and happy in person! Like how could you hate yourself?" and to clarify that...
I am self confident in terms of my skills, but not in terms of my motivation. So whenever it comes to being motivated enough to do something, I fail, I beat myself up hard about it. And I didn't want to say anything to anyone because no one wants to hear about this because it's not shareable, or fun, and in general I just didn't want to be whiny, but I think it's important to admit to when things aren't good.
Anyways, after this post the next few weeks or so I released Madness Cryofixiation and it did incredibly well, but that type of content is so draining and difficult to make, it was really hard to follow up on it. What it feels like, is like this physical sickness that just pushes me away from even thinking about doing something. It's not a conscious "THIS IS WHY I DON'T WANT TO DO IT" and logic doesn't seem to affect it. Usually what drives me in the past has been hating myself so much that I push through that, even though it makes me feel sick. Which doesn't sound very healthy at all, h a h a.
I think possibly the worst, and maybe part of the root of the issue that I got, is that I don't know what I'm feeling most of the time. I feel incredibly emotionally disconnected like if it's not a really intense feeling I am a black box, I have no clue what's going on in there. It's not me keeping my emotions to myself because I talk about them openly and freely with my friends when I DO feel them, and it's not me burying things deep down because I would want to talk about them. It's just my frickin brain won't tell me what is wrong.
Like most people are able to explain what they are feeling in a given situation but I can only seem to guess what I'm feeling based upon how I act. It's like there's a noise gate on my emotion and unless it's over a certain threshold I can't tell what it is at all.
>Using geeky producer analogy
As it stands right now, deep down, I still hate myself, but the rational part of my brain is getting much better at caring for myself like I would care for another person who was having this kind of problem. This is a fundamental change to my personality so I don't expect it to be quick, and I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I am SLOWLY starting to get myself into a routine of working not based on self hatred. So the more I stress and push myself to work the less work I will get done. It's like quick sand, the more I will struggle to work the more I will sink under.
I want to base my new method of motivation on something I really care about. So now I've got to figure out accurately what I deeply value to know how to motivate myself, and I hope you'll be patient with me while I ramp up to being able to release videos again.
As soon as I am ready I will start releasing videos again, and hopefully that will be more consistently.
Posted by Cethic - October 16th, 2015
Give me your character sprites and I'll make you something. Quickly though, while slots are available!
Hurry up boyos, I'm bored over here.
EDIT: Made more slots for you guys since I need shit to do.
Posted by Cethic - October 2nd, 2015
I've gotten back into animating for a while, and have been trying to get good again.
I think this looks pretty swagger.
Watcha guys think?
I've also started work on my part for Lemon's Fixation collab. Started writing a script to get my ideas down, check it.
I really want this collab part of mine to be cool, actiony, and cinematic. So expect something really good from me soon guys! I promise I'll pull through this time.
Posted by Cethic - September 22nd, 2015
Go watch all the new madness videos! Sorry I don't have anything this year, depression got the best of me! >n<
Watch those movies, and if you don't see the burger king mascot in the movie write a review with zero stars. Paste "No king 0/10." into the review.
Posted by Cethic - September 18th, 2015
Things have progressively (and slowly) getting better.
I also joined Madreaction and donated a dollar, you should too.
Posted by Cethic - September 15th, 2015
Do you know what it feels like to fuck up everything in your life from square one? I do. Everytime I’ve grown fond of someone, I’ve fucked it up. I’ve fucked up a lot for myself, but this post is mostly about my never ending heart ache day after day. No one really reads these, or seems to give a fuck but I don’t care, I need somewhere to place my thoughts.
The first time I fucked up was when I asked a sweet girl to be with me during highschool. We lasted almost 3 years, but I ruined it. It all started out fine, but I started becoming insensitive and did things I shouldn’t have done. We ended up hurting eachother back and forth until she’d had enough, and left for good. At the time, and for a while I didn’t miss her at all. Coming to think of it, I do miss her. She was a good person, and I changed her into someone a lot darker and bitter.
The second, the worst out of the two, was actually recent. Last year I had met another girl, and she could relate to me a lot. Self harm, suicide attempts. We had common interests, so we became really good friends. Eventually I developed feelings for her, but at the time she was with someone. She had a crush on me at this point, and one day when she asked me if I had a thing for her I denied it, because I wanted to respect her current relationship, which didn’t last much longer after that. She thought I wasn’t interested in her at all, and shrugged off her crush for me. Eventually I introduced her to my friend, and they started dating. Of course, it hurt a lot to see this, but it didn’t last for more than a week. After that, some time passed and we had an incident where I…I went sort of, crazy, and cut my hand open. There was a lot of blood, and I was in a call with her while it was happening. It freaked her out, and she was tired of being so stressed over me self harming she left. But it doesn’t end there. I fell into deep depression, self harm, and some suicide attempts. I felt like a big fuck up, for being me. The person I loved the most, I wasn’t good enough for, and scared off. She felt like a missing piece of me, which is why it hurt so much. My friend whom I will call “Shark” helped me out. He was there for me, and made sure I didn’t do anything drastic. Eventually he got her to have an intermission with me, which was her yelling at me and telling me to get professional help, and then, only then would she think about talking to me again. I did so instantly, for her, even though Shark had been telling me too for all those months. Our separation was at August, and eventually we spoke on Christmas again. I woke up Christmas morning to her messaging me, and wanting me to call. I told her I would later, since it was like 1 AM. Eventually that call happened, and things were good for a while. All the while, I couldn’t get the thought of her out of my mind. I was so deep in love I couldn’t help it. Sometimes she would talk about her new boyfriends, stuff like that. I did my best to support her, and shrug it off but it hurt a lot. Eventually we had another separation, because at the time I was clinically depressed and was just being a downer. She decided she didn’t need a downer in her life. So, I thought she was gone for good, and made my way on forwards, heart full of ache and feet slowly moving along. After about three months from our separation, I checked DA to find a note from her, telling me to add her on her new skype. I was so confused, yet thrilled! So, in a rush of excitement I added her back. We hit things off instantly, and she kept talking about how much she missed me, and couldn’t stand to be away from me. As I had come to previously find out she had thought my obsessive love for her was creepy, so this time she said she didn’t care how I felt about her, as long as we were able to talk she was happy. Some time went by, and eventually we made it into April. We began dating. We were talking one day, and she said that some kids in her class had filmed a teacher fucking a dog. She asked me if that was abuse. I asked what she meant, the beastiality or them videotaping. She said she meant the beastiality. I said, if the dog wasn’t putting up any resistance I didn’t think it was abuse. If an animal has a problem with you doing something to it, it will violently resist by clawing and biting and struggling. I then said I don’t know the details of the video, if the dog was pinned, strapped down, so I told her I couldn’t say about that video personally. She got iffy with me, didn’t reply much after that. Our messages before were estatic, tons of them at a time. They became mostly me trying to talk to her, and getting one worded replies. Eventually my friend Tim was having a graduation party, and I was going. That day I tried to get her to talk to me, and she said she was reconsidering us as a thing. Then proceeded to say “It’s not you, the whole dog thing just has me flipped.” I spent my friends grad. party crying in the bathroom mostly. My OWN graduation was coming up soon too. Great. So eventually, cutting out some heart aching details, graduation day comes. I wake up to something along the lines of:
“Hey, I hope you know we’re not dating anymore. Let’s just say we never were. So uh…yeah…sorry.”
Destroyed my day, I was hardly functioning all morning. With a face that killed everyone elses mood. Eventually, skipping graduation details, I got back to my grandmas. She messaged me, telling me she was done with my emotionally straining bullshit and I was a downer. I knew this was the end for good, so I got to let all of my rage out. I basically told her to go fuck herself, and that I was sick of her tormenting me. We unadded and blocked eachother.
I was originally really happy, I felt so relieved to have her gone for good. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of me. Only as of late, have I kind of missed her presence, but not even a lot. I found out some other unkindly details about what she did to my friend that…only made me dislike her as a person even more.
Now we come to the most recent, past two months to today. I was browsing FA, and came across a picture I didn’t particularly like up close, but the thumbnail was interesting. I looked in the description and saw 3 icons, one of which caught my attention. I looked at their page.
“ Female | Still in highschool | Bi | Single ”
I read about them on their page, looked at how they generally responded to comments and other things of the sort, and thought they’d be a nice friend! So, I drew them some fanart and asked them if they wanted to chat on skype, and so my journey began. We hit it off really well, we somehow instantly started talking about extremely personal stuff, and as it comes to be, she was a lot like me in some ways. I could relate to her, because she knew what it was like for someone to use you then shatter your heart and leave, self harm and even attempt suicide. She was relatable in a lot of ways, which I think is what made me so comfy talking to her. So, skipping unnecessary details, we ended up bonding really well over the course of 20 days. I had developed feelings for her, they weren’t quite as deep as they had been for my previous interest, but they were enough to keep her in my mind. Any thoughts of my previous interest were replaced and pushed away with this new friend I had made. We shared some pictures, so we knew what one another looked like. It had also turned out she was 15, and I’m 18. Unless you want to go by yearly birthdate statistics, in which case she was 16 and I’m 18. Anyways…I asked her, she asked me if I was serious, because we had been joking about relationships, and I replied with “whatever one makes you the happiest.”
She said we should hold off til winter break, so we could get to know eachother more. I thought it was a good idea, and agreed. For a while things were good, but I messed up and she ended up unadding me. She says it was from her just having a lot of anxiety and being scared of me hurting her, but my friend said she told him something else. There can’t be two truths, so I don’t know who to believe. Anyways, she came back, and things went back to normal for a while. Then school came back around, and things got bad. This is around the time my dad kicked me out of my house. I kind of, became insensitive and just, not happy. Resulting in me doing and saying some rather not great things. Anywho, 8 days ago she unadded and blocked me again, and I can’t help but admit I’ve only been growing more fond of her. The instant detachment has hurt so much, and I hate myself for it. Now, it’s all been coming back to me. How I fucked up my friend, and made her despise me. How I fucked up what I had with, I’ll call her Faye, and finally what I have fucked up most recent. She probably thinks I don’t care about her. It’s funny because, just before she was asking me if I felt the same still, or if I had lost interest.
“Please tell me you feel the same”
I did, and still do. I don’t know what to do with my feelings, and it’s probably what hurts most of all. I love her, but my existence to her is redundent.
Female | Taken | Bi
Again, as the post asks…Have you ever just fucked everything up from square one? Have you ever regretted so much you wanted to die?
I have no way of talking to her, and telling her how much I care, miss and love her. I have no way of apologizing for my behavior, that made her think I didn’t care and that I was just there to use her as a vent and nothing else. I’ll admit it…
I miss her, I miss her so much. It’s been slowly killing me, I don’t know if I can live with myself.
My friend is trying to get her to talk to me again, and I’m trying to change as a person but.
If she really is taken, and not trying to ward off creeps on FA as she had been complaining about, then I don’t know what I’ll do with my feelings. Everyone I grow fond of, I give a part of me to them, and it’s with them forever.
Two days ago, I cried my eyes out over her. I only cried over the girl who was “a missing part of me” once. I cried for hours, continuously over and over and over again. I don’t know if that says or means anything but, I think it proves I actually care about her. I want her to be safe, I want her to feel loved and welcome. Knowing that I can’t help her be safe, or loved or feel welcomed or anything just…Makes it all the worse.
I’ve not been handling it well, I’ve done some drastic things I shouldn’t have but, I’m trying to get better. I really am…Someone told me once that
“Sometimes, people just don’t mesh together. You two just weren’t meant for eachother.”
That statement haunts me, so much. I question it though, she asked me far after the initial “first meeting” feelings, if I felt the same about her. I know she had to have felt something, something that was real…
At this point, you know, I’ve got two choices. I either actually go through with suicide, or I tell myself, “You know what? I’m too scared right now. I don’t want to do it.” If I go through with it, I die, as everyone does eventually… If I don’t go through with it, I essentially choose to suffer and inflict suffering on my friends, and then die, in a way that is considerably more stressful and painful than suicide. I’ve got suffering and death. The choices are…well, that.
We’ll see where this goes, maybe if things get better (or worse) I’ll make an update on my situation.